Up & Coming: A Post in an Attempt to Make Myself Feel Less Cluttered.

You know how sometimes you have approximately 8 million things you want to do and about a quarter of the time necessary to accomplish three of them?

Yep. Me. That’s me.

My bed is covered in clothes that I need to try on so I can determine whether I want to take them to school or donate them to Good Will. Somewhere in the mass of clothing are books, recipes, CDs from the library I checked out weeks ago but have yet to listen to, nearly every book I swore I would read this summer before everything went to hell, and probably a pair of shoes stuck between my headboard and mattress.

The state of my bedroom floor is considerably worse. Coupons, pillows, newspapers, a Rolling Stone about Paul McCartney, old textbooks my school bookstore wouldn’t buy back, my stereo, some electronic cords for…I don’t even know what. Not to mention the shoes and belts and photographs and ugh.

We’ll leave that there.

Now that I’m finally finished with work and have a spread of “free” hours in the coming week (ha, yeah, right. I haven’t relaxed in about two years), my end-of-summer panic has welled up and suddenly I’m experiencing a summertime crisis: the fact that, in the two months I have been out of school, I have not accomplished any of the leisurely/semi-enjoyable things I so desire – and, for lack of better terms, crave.

(Yes, I hate the word “crave.” But yes, I just used it. That’s how unfortunate I’m feeling right now.)

This summer did not turn out how I wanted it to. Not even a little.

Why am I sitting on the floor of my bedroom pumping out a blog post, then? Because it’s like crossing off an item on a “to-do” list (for lack of a better analogy, I swear my blog isn’t an obligation. I swear). That’s how my mind works; small “successes” propel me to do other ones. Otherwise, as I was orating to my mother in the car earlier today, the tidal wave of panic knocks me to the sea floor of life and renders me absolutely incapable of doing one productive thing, let alone many.

This is all coming from the girl who has to periodically delete all of her emails and bookmarks in order to re-regulate her breathing.

Anyways, God willing I will bake and photograph the heck out of everything in my kitchen in the next 8 or so days, then at least draft posts to spread them out throughout my semester – and add new ones, of course. Armed with a camera (albeit without my gorgeous partner in crime) and a slew of college dorm-able recipes, I’ll fight the good fight.

Baked, drafted, & soon to be posted:

  • homemade nut butters (so original)
  • homemade Larabars
  • various sorts of accidental & purposeful breakfasts
  • musings over various sorts of breakfasts
  • CHEESECAKE.
  • ridiculously and literally addictive super easy granola bars
  • more delicious food photography from Europe
  • perhaps a Wordless Wednesday or two

Stay sweet.

Catherine

Current Thoughts Occupying Space in my Brain Concerning This Blog: A Note.

  1. I should make a real post.
  2. I should upload pictures for said real post. At least get them off my camera. They don’t even need to be sorted into a particular folder, just…on my computer.
  3. (I’ve been awake since 4 AM and then worked a 10 hour shift and now I am so tired I don’t even understand how keyboards work.)
  4. Does anyone else feel guilty/”less”/inadequate for not adhering to a “clean” or gluten-free or vegetarian or vegan or “health nut” lifestyle? Like, posting all my recipes with butter and (gasp!) white flour makes me feel like a villain, a fatty, and a plebian all at once.
  5. My nose is really stuffed up and that has nothing to do with this blog other than the fact that it is part of the human who runs this blog.
  6. There are several posts that I’ve begun. One will be up soon.

Real Life.

Come, sit with me, and let’s talk about life.

Rather, let me dominate the conversation and tell you all about mine. I know, you’ve been wondering why I’ve been gone so long – I’m sorry I never wrote why. You know, it didn’t even cross my mind to tell you. As time went on, you slipped further away from my consciousness. Ugh, I know, I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry, truly.

You know, friends, life is funny. Fate is funny, Providence possesses a wisdom far beyond the deepest parts of my brain that are seared with truth.

Allow me to summarize, starting from the beginning. Well, where we last left off, the end of September. Eighteen credit hours were wearing on me; expending myself in a relationship that was truly a shamble of communication was exhausting. And, slowly the knowledge of reality grew, expanded, and finally crashed through the door of my consciousness. Sometimes wanting something just isn’t enough. Sometimes, you can’t make people love you. Actually, you never can: love has to be given, effort has to be made, all things must flow from the heart. Love expects reciprocation, after all, for that is the nature of the thing. And this…wasn’t. This was – well, I’m not sure what it was. At any rate, things with the Boy mentioned in various previous posts fell through, and that is that.

Thus, the remainder of the semester involved heaps of schoolwork, papers, exams, new friendships…new trials, new blessings, new opportunities. There were weeks when the only time I turned on my computer was to start a new paper or logged onto the Internet to check my school email.

Winter break brought insane amounts of snow and intense amounts of preparations for my semester abroad. For weeks, I panicked, sorted, packed, re-packed, un-packed, spending many nights unable to sleep and many days dragging myself through stores to find just what I needed to ensure I wouldn’t be caught unaware in Europe. The days passed; I packed for the final time, leaving behind several things I didn’t want to; we loaded the car, drove two hours to the airport in ridiculous Midwest weather; ten hours after boarding a plane, I was across the ocean.

Thus began the “semester of a lifetime”, dubbed by my university’s study abroad program. Nothing could have prepared me for everything that has happened in the past four months. All my traveling, all my experiences, all my new knowledge, my new confidence, my new clarity – it would take weeks to detail it all to you.

To summarize: I’ve changed – or rather, I’ve grown. Am I a “new” person? No; my European adventures haven’t morphed me into a different soul, but rather, taken the soul I’ve always possessed and made it brighter.

Now, it’s time for Cakey Bakes to reflect my growth. Truly, I desire to start up this blog again, after that long, long hiatus. But I don’t want to limit myself. Cakey Bakes will remain food-based with the incorporation of various other things I enjoy – fashion, literature, music, travel, photography, odds and ends. Life is good, and I want to embrace all of it.

Here’s to new beginnings.

 

Catherine

Cakey Notes + Updates.

You know how sometimes you anticipate something and assume that, since you’ve experienced something of the sort before, you’re even better prepared to handle this particular situation?

Ha. I laugh at my naive self of three weeks ago.

College has hit me over the head with a shovel, dragged my body into a van, and will be holding me hostage for an unannounced amount of time. Already this semester I think I’ve had more homework than I did for most of my classes combined last fall. Most of my time has been spent in class, doing homework, doing laundry, and crying. Definitely that last one.

Ugh. It’s 4:30 in the afternoon and I just want to go to bed. You feel me?

Life is hard.

Now, the point of this post: I’m still alive! Cakey Bakes is still active! Unfortunately, posting and recipes will depend on my courseload and availability of the kitchen, as well as access to Kathryn’s iPhone’s camera. Inevitably, however, procrastination will follow wherever I go, and creativity is one of procrastination’s children. Recipes will be followed, desserts will be made, messes will be cleaned. Posts will be written, life will go on.

Here are a few notes & up-and-coming things:

  • In my excitement last week in making eggless chocolate chip cookies, I only took pictures of the dough, not the finished product. Sigh. That recipe will be posted…sometime. Soon.
  • Previously mentioned Kathryn (my roommate, partner in crime, taste tester extraordinaire, and woman after my own heart) & I will soon be starting up an etsy store. Stay tuned.
  • Some older recipes stuck in my drafts folder will be popping up. If I can find the photos I took.
  • What say you about my new signature? (At the bottom of this post)
  • Finally, thanks for sticking with me on this road, through the questionable photography and strangely worded posts and intermittent hiatuses.

Catherine

(in lieu of any of my recipes, give these other bloggers some lovin’.)

Wordless…Aw, Man: A Cakey Bakes Apology & Explanation.

Mes amis.

Let’s talk real life.

Okay, baking is real life. I mean, my job. The fact that my job has consumed my life. The fact that I’m at work almost more than I’m at home…or not at work. With this new project going on, baking has been going on the backburner. In case you were interested, or require further proof of my busy-ness, here’s what my schedule has been like, approximately, for the past week and a half.

4:15 AM – wake up. Stumble to kitchen. Force feed myself caffeine and something that resembles breakfast.
4:30 AM – drive to work.
5 AM – start work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Work.
Break!
Work.
Work.
4 PM – drive home.
4:30 PM – arrive home.
4:36 PM – crash.
5:30 PM – dinner.
6:30 PM – act like a zombie. Attempt to read; fail miserably. Charge iPod and phone. Prepare lunch for the next day. Watch Jeopardy!, maybe. Attempt to write. Attempt to clean.
8:30 PM – shower. Long, hot, hot, hot shower.
9 PM – begin evening wind down. Drink a gallon of herbal tea.
10 PM – accidentally pass out in front of the TV.
Midnight – realize I passed out in front of the TV. Drag my broken body upstairs; microwave heating pad to put on my shoulders. Fall into bed.
4:15 AM – wake up.

Lather.

Rinse.

Repeat.

Needless to say, I’m exhausted. Not only has this job made me physically exhausted, but it’s been taking a huge toll on my mental as well as emotional health. Tired, unhappy Cakey = no baking motivation = no material for Cakey Bakes.

I’m sorry. I truly am. I know I don’t have a lot of followers, but I understand the frustration of an absent blogger and a boring blog. As soon as work is over (next Friday will be the end, huzzah!), there will be recipes galore. Galore, I tell you!

Thank you, dear followers. Thank you, dear readers. Thank you for dealing with my unannounced hiatuses and inconsistent posting.

Wordless…whoops.

…double whoops.

Can we please just talk about how busy I’ve been lately? Can we please talk about how I’ve been awake at 4 AM for the past three days to go to work? Can we please talk about how I’ve been working overtime, which means I’ve already worked about 38 hours this week? It’s hot, it’s humid, and I can’t remember the last time I wasn’t drenched in sweat, or didn’t have coffee breath. The most quiet time I’ve had recently is the half hour lunch break in my car. The best iPod headphones I’ve ever owned decided to take a trip to The Land of Broken Electronic Accessories. Like, I barely have time to do laundry, let alone turn on my oven or turn on my computer or open any of the books I planned to read this summer but are gathering dust, just like my poor, lonely guitar that’s sitting in my closet. Also, I don’t know how to talk to boys.

I wish I could say my lack of posts is owing to the fact I’m a bum, or a busy college student seeing the world, or a busy college student spending time with the friends she never sees when she’s six hours away from them for most of the year, or anything more fun. No, it’s because I’m too tired to do things when I get home at 3 in the afternoon after being on my feet for far longer than any human being should be on cement flooring.

Guys. I just want a decent breakfast. I want to wake up sometime after 5 AM. I want to enjoy my summer. I want to go to the beach or the pool or, heck, run through the sprinkler in my backyard so I can finally wear the new swimsuit that’s sitting at the bottom of one of my drawer. I want my cartilage pierced and I want to be fluent in French before I take that scary 300-level course in the fall. I want to bake things and share them with you.

From the bottom of my exhausted, dehydrated heart, I am terribly sorry for my lack of updates, for missing Wordless Wednesday yesterday (gah!!), and for being an all-around lame blogger. Hopefully, after I’ve recuperated this weekend from the absurd amount of hours at work, I’ll have a recipe for you all. Thank you for reading this, dears, and enjoy the rest of your week. ❤

xo, Cakey