Come, sit with me, and let’s talk about life.
Rather, let me dominate the conversation and tell you all about mine. I know, you’ve been wondering why I’ve been gone so long – I’m sorry I never wrote why. You know, it didn’t even cross my mind to tell you. As time went on, you slipped further away from my consciousness. Ugh, I know, I should’ve told you sooner. I’m sorry, truly.
You know, friends, life is funny. Fate is funny, Providence possesses a wisdom far beyond the deepest parts of my brain that are seared with truth.
Allow me to summarize, starting from the beginning. Well, where we last left off, the end of September. Eighteen credit hours were wearing on me; expending myself in a relationship that was truly a shamble of communication was exhausting. And, slowly the knowledge of reality grew, expanded, and finally crashed through the door of my consciousness. Sometimes wanting something just isn’t enough. Sometimes, you can’t make people love you. Actually, you never can: love has to be given, effort has to be made, all things must flow from the heart. Love expects reciprocation, after all, for that is the nature of the thing. And this…wasn’t. This was – well, I’m not sure what it was. At any rate, things with the Boy mentioned in various previous posts fell through, and that is that.
Thus, the remainder of the semester involved heaps of schoolwork, papers, exams, new friendships…new trials, new blessings, new opportunities. There were weeks when the only time I turned on my computer was to start a new paper or logged onto the Internet to check my school email.
Winter break brought insane amounts of snow and intense amounts of preparations for my semester abroad. For weeks, I panicked, sorted, packed, re-packed, un-packed, spending many nights unable to sleep and many days dragging myself through stores to find just what I needed to ensure I wouldn’t be caught unaware in Europe. The days passed; I packed for the final time, leaving behind several things I didn’t want to; we loaded the car, drove two hours to the airport in ridiculous Midwest weather; ten hours after boarding a plane, I was across the ocean.
Thus began the “semester of a lifetime”, dubbed by my university’s study abroad program. Nothing could have prepared me for everything that has happened in the past four months. All my traveling, all my experiences, all my new knowledge, my new confidence, my new clarity – it would take weeks to detail it all to you.
To summarize: I’ve changed – or rather, I’ve grown. Am I a “new” person? No; my European adventures haven’t morphed me into a different soul, but rather, taken the soul I’ve always possessed and made it brighter.
Now, it’s time for Cakey Bakes to reflect my growth. Truly, I desire to start up this blog again, after that long, long hiatus. But I don’t want to limit myself. Cakey Bakes will remain food-based with the incorporation of various other things I enjoy – fashion, literature, music, travel, photography, odds and ends. Life is good, and I want to embrace all of it.
Here’s to new beginnings.